A season in my life. One that has given sudden empty spots I tried filling with everything. Everything but Jesus.
I know better.
I can lovingly tell a wounded Christian how much they need Jesus.
I have a good action plan ready to hand out to the first Prodigal son or daughter so they can find their way home.
But what I am not good at is applying what I know to my own life when I get bumped off course.
So my season of life became a living hell within my heart. Torn between what I desire and Who I know to wanting to do things my way.
Jesus became a distant relative that I never talk to or gave any time to. Slowly the things of the world seduced my hardened heart with more success than the ridiculous wooing of The Bachelor extending a rose to desperate single women in an exotic setting.
My Bible which I love and treasure stayed closed. I stopped writing and even stayed home from church when I could. I withdrew from the Godly people in my life. The Truth was avoided and clearly my life did not show that I love the Lord with all of my heart, soul and mind.
When I try to fill my heart with what I think it needs it’s like I’m a kid at Christmas standing at the mantel filling my stocking with things from my own wish list. No kid would be excited or happy pulling out what he gave to himself. Emptiness will remain when we try to do things on our own.
So I opened my Bible to page 1,585.
And the heading in Matthew 4 caught my eye…The Calling of the First Disciples.
18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow Me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed Him.
The one thing that has played over and over again in my mind since reading that, no matter how far I drifted off into the sea of sin, is the two words Matthew wrote…At once.
And then I realized.
Unlike the fishing brothers, I haven’t had my “At Once” moment with Jesus.
The moment that I abandon all for Thee. The moment that I put down my net filled with all my junk and just walk away and follow. Follow Him with nothing in my heart but pure desire for just Jesus. Let go of my wants and follow Him with no hesitation.
I’m there. I’m at the sea-shore with my nets full of me and there He is.
Walking along the banks of my hurting heart, extending an invitation no matter what I have chosen to do without Him.
Come follow ME Lelia.
I can stand gripping my nets giving excuses of why I share the unworthiness John the Baptist had of not being able to even tie His sandals. Or, I can believe that nothing I have done or not done can out sin the grace God has for me and follow Him.
Letting go today. At Once. Seeking like never before and knowing that if I don’t Satan is going to win me over. Destroy my marriage and even my life. Kill my desire for Jesus and steal all joy that exists only because of my King.
BUT. The One Who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world. I have a God that already has victory over my enemy, He’s just waiting for me to let go of my nets.
Monday I received an e-mail from my friend Jen who is the director of a huge women’s conference only 2 hours from Lincoln. She asked me to come to the conference next week on a scholarship and stay in her room. The conference theme this year is called “He knows my name”. Only God would know how to pierce a hardened heart.
Check out the COMPEL conference site and if you are close…please join us. Who knows what God has up His holy sleeve, but I want to find out. Click HERE for conference details.