Don’t call me that, Jesus doesn’t

On Facebook you get to read an assortment of interesting stuff. Peoples’ passions come alive as if they’re standing on a stage and you’re their private audience. It’s their moment, so they can say whatever they want.

I saw a lot of this during the whole thing with Chic-Fil-A. I see it daily with the upcoming election and also with personal views on different subjects. Opinions are thrown around and when those aren’t heard, scripture is used as a weapon of condemnation. I’m not ever sure what to make of this and so I stay quiet and out of the controversial subjects. The one that bothers me the most though is the Christian who calls the woman who has had an abortion a murderer.

Maybe the Christian who thinks that in taking a stand for the unborn it is part of their job to call out the cold-hearted mother who has made this choice. As a Christian woman who did make the choice to abort my child, let me tell what you do when you call me that.

I’m not going to go into a sob story and try to convince you that my choice was right. It wasn’t and it never will be. I took the life of my child. I can never justify what I did, nor do I want to. But every time  you take your Pharisee stance and call me a murderer, you are inches away from erasing everything Jesus has done to get me to the point of using my story for His glory. Trust me when I say that you do not want me to return to the pit He rescued me from.

I was wrong, but time after time in the Bible when women that were messed up came to Jesus and walked away from Him with a heart and life changed, not one time did He address her by her sin. He called her Daughter.

For years I stayed in hiding among the baggage of my past out of fear that others would know the real me. I always thought this would be a secret between me and my Savior. But God had other plans and those who call me a murderer have no right to try to take all the hard work He has done in my life and put me back into the seat of shame. They just don’t.

Jesus Christ has forgiven me and according to Him, He took all of my ugly choices, past and present and bore them on my behalf on Calvary. By accepting His grace and forgiveness, He is using not only me, but He’s using my baby that I never gave a chance to breathe to help other women overcome their horrific choice and also to change minds of those considering abortion.

So, if you are passionate for the unborn, be that. Just know that as long as you are pointing a finger at that child’s mother and calling her by her sin you are pushing her away from Jesus. You can’t love and accuse at the same time. Put the finger down and open your arms.

Please continue to defend the unborn as I do, but don’t call me a murderer. Satan does a great job calling women who have aborted all sorts of names in trying to keep us in the dark and he doesn’t need your help. Be wise and don’t join him. 

If you want to call me a name, call me what I am…

Daughter of a Redeemer.


© by Lelia Chealey. All rights reserved.

Please understand that I wrote this from the heart of a woman who is strong in her faith and knows Jesus can handle any name I’m called. But there are some women who may not be able to handle being labeled as a murderer. Trust me when I say, I know that I murdered my child. I did and I was wrong, but calling someone by their sin does not lead them to healing. Thank you for hearing my heart.

Also, if you are a woman who has had an abortion and have never dealt with it, please visit my tab on the top of my blog about abortion to learn about Surrendering the Secret, a post-abortion ministry I am blessed to be part of and am  passionate about.

Let God use your story. He can handle it.



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50 Responses to Don’t call me that, Jesus doesn’t

  1. Kim says:!! wonderfully said!! love you much!!! <3

  2. Lori says:

    Thank you for saying this. You’re a blessing to me and minister to me so much. <3

  3. cbeynon says:

    What courage you have to speak the word of truth. I have also told people who have judged like this not to point fingers and tell these girls not to do this without offering a way out for them. Put your words where your mouth is. If someone is going to protest abortion clinics and yell at these woman that they are murders then offer them your home and help so they have another way out. Of course an abortion is wrong but God did not ever call us a murder he called us to his arms for repentence out of love not condemnation

    • Yes! Hopefully women who do this will read this and their hearts will be shifted. I love their passion for the unborn, but you’re right, God never called us murderers. His grace really is sufficient. 🙂

  4. Alaina says:

    Blessings to you, and thank you for being courageous and sharing your story. You are a beautiful daughter of the King.

  5. Melanie says:

    Lelia, I am so thankful for your story and shared it on my personal page and my Clinging to the cross fb page. As we are healed from the pain in our past God will use our story for HIs glory.. His word says He will restore every thing the enemy has tried to steal from us. I pray for your ministry and ask that you pray I will have the courage and focus to share even through the tears of losing two brothers in three years, waiting as he heals his wife and children and my parents and even the annoying siblings who were so very close. http://www.youarecalled.wordpress was started after losing Jerry out of obedience to the Lord. I didn’t even know about blogging or why He would even want me on facebook. I am a people person. God has used you and many others to bring about healing from grief and pain as one shares from their hearts. Luke 4:18.. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free. As we share truth, I know the Holy Spirit will show up and do His business as we love unconditionally.

    • Melanie…wow. So humbled. Thank you for sharing and praying.
      I will be praying for you as you share your story too. I’m so sorry for the losses you and your family have endured. I have a friend, Amy who just started blogging after losing her brother Adam. There’s a link to her blog on my Facebook page. You two should “meet”. She too has started blogging in the midst of her pain of losing her sibling. Today was her first post.
      I pray you continue to speak God’s truth and allow Him to use you as only He can.
      Hugs from Nebraska,

      • melanie says:

        I would love for you to come to the Panhandle of the big pensacola, florida and check out out snow..(sand) absolutely the best kept hidden secret. check your calendar and head south… winter is coming:0 but remember it does get cold here, relatively speaking.. cold wind chill factor here cuts to the bones

  6. Oh, how I love you. Lord, thank you for how far you’ve brought your beautiful Lelia girl. Keep her focused on her blood-earned identity. Use her story to help many.

  7. Doug Dworak says:

    Excellent. So sad that we do and say the very things that Christ came and died for. Our words should be life-giving not condemnation.

  8. Tami says:

    Amen….you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, covered by His blood…and a gifted and articulate communicator. What the enemy has tried to destroy and use for his evil God redeems and uses for His glory! I love Him so. We are NOT our struggles or our sin, we are Daughters of the King! I love Him so! God bless you…you keep moving forward, you make a difference in His kingdom <3

  9. I love you. Love you. LOVE YOU!!

    It is a blessing and a treasure to know you, my sister! I call you Beloved, Redeemed, Beautiful… And oh, so very sassy.;-)

    You are precious in His sight and in mine.

    • Aww D….I think the same of you! So thankful God brought us together last year. You are such a blessing in my life. Thank you for your encouragement. I love you, my soul sister. XO

  10. chris schleich says:

    we are so eager to speak up for the unborn, yet not for the ‘unborn-again’ mother. where is the sense in that? i love truth, that is why i love your blog.

  11. Katy Flood says:

    Beautifully written and expressed!

  12. Facebook will mess with one’s head, for sure. But I’m so glad one of my bloggy buddies shared this link, there. I was blessed in reading your words and will share them in the place I found there. -Another Daughter of THE ONE AND ONLY Redeemer, xoxoxoxo

  13. Kelly says:

    I loved your words! Only in the last year have I been able to decide where I stood on the debate.. Pro-Life or pro choice… I have many women in my life who bear the same scars as you and not once have I ever named them or condemned them. One of the most powerful things I have ever witnessed was a drama done at Women of Faith one year where abortion was addressed and the rolls of the suppressed sobs were almost more than I could bear. I remember thinking “Lord! The amount of bondage and lies in this room alone is making me ache!!!” I remember looking around at women I knew and found out things that had been killing them from the inside out. Talking about it has dropped their shackles and amazing healing and testimony and fruit has been harvested!!! We all bear our scars and it is so hard to accept that unconditional love from the Maker when the enemy is filling us full of lies, especially in this realm. Dear women whom I adore and whom love the Lord with all their very being have yet to forgive themselves and that is so hard to watch… It has taken me a long time to figure out how to portray my heart without it coming across as judgmental to the women are still reeling inside from their choice. Or who are still defending it. Either way, I have only wanted to stand up for the unborn and love the living. I only want to embrace those in pain and those who are still someplace else. It seems to be a hard balance because most women have been so persecuted there seems to be no difference to them. I also know a few women who feel they cannot be pro-life because of the choice they made. Isn’t it so sad that we make forgiveness so much harder than it needs to be? He makes it so easy and scoops us up and loves us, poor choices (no matter what that choice was..) and all, and He sends us on our way, but it is us who keeps tripping ourselves…. Be blessed for walking in His light Lelia!!!! Be blessed for all the women whom you are reaching in the dark spaces…. Be blessed!

    • Kelly…I love your passion! You should prayerfully consider becoming part of the “Surrendering the Secret” team. We have a leader I believe in Colorado who has never aborted, but has a passion for the women who have and also the unborn. Her ministry is amazing. Thank you for you sweet encouragement. As Beth Moore once said, “I am just the straw to a really great drink!” God is amazing me daily who He is affecting with my story. He keeps me in continuous praise and awe.

  14. sherry says:

    This was so good and really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing from your hesrt!

  15. Georgia says:

    Amen, sweet sister! Not only is my sweet Rachel in heaven but two precious babies that live forever in my heart… So thankful that Rachel was greeted in heaven by her sweet siblings, cannot wait to see them all someday after I see my precious redeemer!!!

  16. Amorette Helm says:

    21 years ago I was facing an unplanned pregnancy…having grown up in a Christian home abortion was not an option, but I did think about what might happen if I fell down some stairs or had an accident with my car. I just didn’t want to be single and pregnant! Thankfully, I came to terms with the pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy baby boy who is now a wonderful young man and husband. I wholeheartedly support the unborn, but I agree that we must do it in love. The woman who are considering abortion or who have had an abortion need our love not our condemnation. One of the things that helped me through my situation was that people loved me and supported me. Those who are hurting from their decision or feeling scared and confused about what to do need our love and support. They need it to heal from the hurt in their hearts or to help them make the right decision for themselves and their baby. It is my heart to show those women what matters is what God says about them not what other people say! He calls them his beloved and loves them unconditionally! Thank you for your willingness to be real and share your heart with us in this blog! I pray it makes a difference in the lives of all who read it!

    • Amorette,
      I love what you said here, “The woman who are considering abortion or who have had an abortion need our love not our condemnation.” AMEN! Thank you for your heart full of compassion. The shame that covers a woman who has aborted is crazy so even a centimeter of love and compassion can make a difference in her life. Thank you so much for coming by. 🙂

  17. Lisa Shaw says:

    Well said Lelia!!! As one who lived this 21 years ago…you’ve probably heard my story online or read it, viewed video, etc. I have found in my almost 50 years on this planet that gaveling people over the head for their sins, struggles, weaknesses, etc. never works. It breads condemnation not conviction. Condemnation is of the enemy, conviction is from the Holy Spirit. Big difference!

    • Lisa, Thank you for your support and encouragement! Your ministry and life is such a blessing. And a big Amen to “Condemnation is of the enemy, conviction is from the Holy Spirit.” I’m sure our babies are playing together at the feet of our sweet Savior. xo

      • Lisa Shaw says:

        I am so sure they are too. One day we’ll be there with them with our arms outstretched and our Mamma hearts wide open to hug them as tight as we can….tears…. Until then, our Lord and Savior has taken care of that in ways we could not even imagine!! His restorative power–forgiveness, grace and love is very humbling to my life. Much love to you Lelia! Keep speaking life and love by His grace. I didn’t know your story when I did the radio program with Tammy and Tiffany. I would have asked you to join us. Next time!

        • Awww Lisa, I love your heart. Thank you for your sweet encouragement. You keep sharing His greatness too…you make such a difference in the lives of many. love you.

        • And yes, I’d love to be a guest on your radio show some day, just let me know. I love those 2 ladies also, good to be surrounded by such godly women in ministry! Many stories…one King. xo

  18. Jill Beran says:

    This is amazing…thank you for stepping out and doing what He asks you to do! Reminds me of the importance of turning to the light…regardless of what God calls us to do, there will be opposition so it is of utter importance we stay focused on HIM and who He says we are!! You my friend are a daughter He is proud of!! And a friend I’m proud of as well!! Keep pressing on! Love ya, Jill

  19. jillberan says:

    Such a great post Lelia!! Reminds me that no matter what we do for Jesus there will be opposition…so, so important to keep our eyes focused on HIM and hold onto who He says we are!! You my friend are a daughter He is proud of! And a friend I’m proud of as well!! Keep pressing on! Love ya, Jill

  20. Jennifer says:

    Hello my friend! I am so proud of you! This is an amazing post and I know it has touched the heart of so many! You are beautiful…keep letting Him use you.

    Love you.

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